Misc

An Open Letter to My Firstborn, Sarah Damia

To my daughter Sarah Damia,

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ever since Mummy gave birth you, you have been the shining light in Mummy and Daddy’s lives, occupying our lives with so much fun, joy and laughter. You came earlier than we expected and from day 1 you entered the world, you filled our hearts with so much love.

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Even before we knew of your gender, both Mummy and Daddy had a huge feeling you are going to be a girl. Mummy and Daddy’s girl. True enough, during the second scan (you crossed your legs during the first!), we found out you are 90% a girl fetus. And during the third scan, Mummy’s doctor confirmed you are 100% a girl. Mummy and Daddy were extremely delighted. Mummy was slightly more excited because that also meant that we could start shopping for you! And boy, did we shopped for you!

Mummy’s pregnancy with you was a beautiful and unforgettable journey of lessons and firsts. Mummy was blessed enough to experience being pregnant and to feel you grow inside of me, filling up my tummy and then, your first hiccups and kicks; boy, Mummy really, really enjoyed and misses all of that! You were cheeky – you refused to move initially when Daddy put his hand on my tummy. But eventually you caved in and you should have seen the look on Daddy’s face!

You need to know though – Mummy had incredibly bad morning sickness for the first 21 weeks. Mummy felt horrible and was home 90% of the time but Mummy kept thinking that it was alright, so long as my little girl was doing just fine inside. Honestly, as tough as it was, Mummy wouldn’t trade anything in the world for the incredible experience and that includes the vomiting, the bitter taste in my tongue, the nausea and not being able to down any food.

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This was Mummy and Daddy at a wedding and you were only 8 weeks old. That very night, Mummy’s morning sickness was to begin and lasted for 13 long weeks!

Mummy graduated with a Bachelor Degree in Communication with you in my tummy. Alhamdullilah. Mummy almost missed the convocation because Mummy had to go to the hospital the night before – you gave both Mummy and Daddy a slight fright but it was all a false alarm. Thank you, Allah. Mummy sat through the presentation feeling woozy but we made it through! You kind of graduated with Mummy!

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While pregnant with you, Mummy was obsessed with buying make-up (lipsticks especially) but Mummy hated dolling up. Oh the irony! It felt almost strenuous – just the thought of taking the makeups out and applying them made Mummy tired. On most occasions, Mummy went out with nothing on my face. And Mummy have always at least leave the house with powder and blusher on. Look at what pregnancy did to Mummy! Mummy couldn’t care less if we bumped into anyone! 

Then, your Daddy had to serve the nation for two weeks during the first trimester and Mummy was a wreck. The morning sickness was almost at its optimum then and Mummy dreaded having to reach for the barf bag at night and sleep all alone. Well, technically, Mummy wasn’t alone. You accompanied Mummy, you good girl! Daddy tried to come home on his nights off as permitted and he bought Mummy sweets and whatever to tide Mummy for the nights he wasn’t around. And thank God for Nani, who constantly asked after Mummy day and night and if Mummy was doing okay.
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Shortly after the morning sickness kicked in, Mummy and Daddy started working on our new home. Renovation works started and Mummy remembered being so weak during appointments with our ID. Mummy could barely stand for long because of the nausea and while picking out lights (this Mummy remember very clearly!), Mummy sucked on sweets to keep the bile down and as soon as we got to the car, Mummy vomited. The struggle to focus and to imagine how the lights would look in our home was real! Luckily your Daddy was very hands-on in the process. Daddy practically settled everything while Mummy contributed sparsely. Dadddy would show Mummy the catalog for paint and laminate but Mummy would brush the book away. Literally. Mummy had no mood. But one thing remained –  Mummy was ever so fickle with whatever little contribution Mummy made!

When Mummy got well and my appetite came back, Daddy and Nani were the first to get to Mummy’s cravings. Mummy felt well and good to get out and about so we started shopping for your little nursery. We had a list of items we needed and wanted to get for you and we did. Clothes, mittens, booties, socks, swaddles, towels, warmer, steriliser, breast pump, bottles, stroller, Moses basket, baby cot, furniture and carpets for your room… We had so much to do to get ready for you. The list was long and we slowly ticked them off one by one.

HN0116 days before Mummy gave birth to you

Abang Aizat started loving you since you were in Mummy’s tummy.

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15 days before Mummy gave birth to you.

Did you know that you brought about rezeki? You were only in my tummy but already Mummy received so many gifts addressed to you. Nani and your Mamas started buying clothes and shoes and swaddles for you the moment your gender was confirmed. They bought so much every now and then (until now!) that they filled up the entire bottom portion of Daddy’s side of the closet. And then, Daddy got promoted, Alhamdulillah. You bring so much blessings into our lives, we are so fortunate.

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Mummy and Daddy looked forward with so much excitement and anticipation to each and every doctor’s appointment for that was when we get a visual of you. We couldn’t wait to see what you would do during the scan, if you were sleeping or awake, how much you’ve grown since the last checkup. You liked to put your hand below your chin. Just like Daddy! It was almost a trademark of yours we noticed during most scans. Of course, along with the excitement, we were nervous too during our scans. We wanted you to do just fine, no matter what. And you did very well.

Mummy and Daddy did a detailed scan during the second trimester to see the development of your organs and all. You were cooperating just fine inside but then you wouldn’t budge for the sonographer to have a clear view of your back! The sonographer asked Mummy to roll to the sides a couple of times in an effort to turn you but you just wouldn’t. It was hilarious! Mummy had to pee even to try but you cheeky you, we believed you were sleeping then and wasn’t bothered with all the movements and prodding! Sleepyhead, just like Mummy!

Then we did a 4D scan. Mummy and Daddy wanted to have a sneak of how you look like. Mummy was a bit anxious, that you would be facing downwards and wouldn’t want to move like you did during the detailed scan. The sonographer took awhile to find an angle and mentioned that if your face wasn’t front facing, Mummy would have to come back. Mummy panicked; we didn’t have time because we were reaching 30 weeks and beyond that, we couldn’t do the scan because you would be too big and it would be tough to get a shot of your face! But after awhile, the sonographer found your little face and although you were on your side, your face was front-facing, almost ready for the scan. We had our first look of you and we were smiling ourselves silly. You looked slightly grumpy but beautiful. Very beautiful. Daddy and Mummy couldn’t stop gushing – we were thinking, our baby girl, that’s how you’re going to look like! 

Soon after, Mummy was hit by water rentention in the feet. Mummy could only wear my one-size bigger Fitflops and that too was tight for Mummy. Mummy’s feet ballooned up so badly, the shape of the Fitflops was literally embossed on Mummy’s feet. Sometimes, Mummy’s feet would feel so sore and limp at the end of the day. 

Weeks later, you were ready to come into the world to meet Mummy and Daddy. And we received you with open arms, tears and smiles. You changed our statuses in an instance – you made us parents, a father and a mother. We were filled with so much gratitude for you were healthy. The aftermath of the delivery made Daddy the happiest for both you and Mummy did really well. Mummy recovered well and quite swiftly too.The day we brought you home from the hospital was one of the most memorable days of our lives. Mummy carried you with Daddy’s arm protectively around Mummy’s shoulder and it was with pride we walked alongside one another as we left the hospital. You are our prized possession and we are so proud. 

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The first day we brought you to our new home. You were so well-behaved. 

 

And this is you a few weeks back. 

My darling Sarah, you just turned eight months.That is four months to a year. You’ve just learned to stand up on your own! Where did all the time go? Motherhood, hands down, has been the best phase in Mummy’s life (after marrying your Daddy, that is). You have taught Mummy so much. Your presence have strengthened the bond between Mummy and Daddy and everyone else. Mummy learned that nothing else matter but you. Delivering you made all the little things that would have stressed Mummy out or made Mummy angry before seemed so unimportant now that you are in my life. Because really, life is so much more than that. Life is all about love and family and you make us a family. You complete us. Everyday, Mummy strive to be a good mother to you and even, a better wife to your Daddy. You may be just a little human being but you carry so much weight in my life. Mummy’s life revolves around you and your needs. Because of you, Mummy really know it is possible to love someone this much. Mummy didn’t know before this that Mummy was capable of loving to this extend. Each time Mummy look at you, either if you’re awake or asleep, Mummy cannot help but feel so lucky and fortunate that Allah has blessed Mummy with this Amanah, that is you, my child.

   

 Just so you know, Mummy loves you so very much. Mummy knows Daddy loves you as much too. Since your existence, we’ve both knowingly and mutually made a vow to try to give you only the best. We have had a ball of a time raising you the past eight months, watching you grow from a tiny newborn to an active, chubby infant before our eyes. It gives us the greatest of joy when we see you hit the various developmental milestones. You are growing so fast, Sarah. Mummy wishes time would slow down a little so that Mummy can have more time to enjoy each and every single day with you for they are so precious. Sometimes, Mummy still find it hard to believe that I am now a mother and you’re my daughter. Just last year on 22 February 2014, Mummy married your Daddy. Fast forward one year and two months later and we had you. You are the best gift in Mummy’s life and best of all, you came from Mummy and Daddy. Thank you, my love, for allowing Mummy to be on this adventure called Motherhood.

One day when you’re big enough to understand, Mummy will show you this post so that you know how significant an impact your birth is to us. In the meantime, here is to more of your crawling, standing, babbling, and beyond! sarahdamiahafiz01

Yes guys, I’m now a Mummy to my precious little girl, Sarah Damia! Took me awhile to finish this post – I started when Sarah was five months plus (!!!) but I couldn’t find my little folder with all the ultrasound scans which is one of the reasons for the delay (wanted to share a picture or two of the scans. I know the folder is somewhere in the house because I recently arranged them all nicely according to weeks but I don’t know where I kept them. Seriously, post-pregnancy = forgetful me.) Anyways, writing this post got my emotions going on a roller-coaster ride. You might think, it’s only giving birth. But no really, it is much more than that. Giving birth has changed me in more ways that I could imagine. I have a child now and it is the greatest gift ever. I’m thankful for this journey and I am the happiest I’ve ever been. Thank you, ya Allah, for this. ❤

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