Being Dellaire · Being In Love

Keep Calm & Live, Laugh, Love

96months
My 15-year-old niece asked me this. Not once but twice before: how do you manage to stay in a relationship for so long? Do you ever get bored?

Insyirah, this entry is for you. 🙂

There were times when I reflect on my long relationship with my fiancé and look back at the journey we have been through. We started out young and unfamiliar. We heard stories and depended on our then juvenile eyes to see.

At the get-go, Hafiz and I were just two bashful teenagers getting to know one another, not knowing where the association will bring us.

I still remember our first date. It was a Friday afternoon and the rain had just stopped. 10 minutes into it, I fell flat on my behind and slid down a stretch of wet staircase. Just like in the clichéd love dramas, Hafiz grabbed me by the arm and stopped the sliding, breaking the fall. Except that it wasn’t any drama; it was painful, humiliating reality! Imagine my shame!

Obviously, you try to make a positive and for my case, demure impression on the initial meeting with Hafiz. I didn’t even have the chance to exercise any effort. My god, I was beyond embarrassed when I got up and tried to steady myself. I still remember the exact words I said to Hafiz. He didn’t laugh. There were no traces of a grin on his face. Not a sound either. Recalling this, I am impressed with his ability to hold his emotions in check. I might have let out a smile if the situation were reversed. Uhm, I am not mean; I just have really convulsive facial controls!

So anyways, let me share with you on how Hafiz and I got through the last 96 months together. Hey, it’s no easy feat okay! We take absolute pride in our true commitment to each other.

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Let me make this clear though. I am not an expert on love. I am merely reflecting and sharing certain points I deem noteworthy from my own relationship.

We all know that it takes a lot of effort to keep a relationship going strong and healthy. It requires two individuals to work on it and to maintain it. Nothing is easy where the matters of the hearts are concerned. At the beginning, it was what many called the “honeymoon” period. Every little thing was interesting. But as time goes on, differences in opinions usually interfere with the smooth-sailing momentum. Hafiz and I, we have our ups and downs just like any other couples.

In a relationship, trust is vital. Can you imagine a relationship with no trust? With the absence of trust, you have given your mind the green light to amble around irrationally, which will produce an unhealthy outcome. You might end up being a control-freak towards your partner, doubting his or her any moves, which is not good.

A little jealousy shows that you care but excessive jealousy is no best pal of any relationship. There are the little gritty things that I would remind Hafiz to stay away from but I am proud to say that I have never controlled Hafiz in any way that would affect his daily life the last 8 years. Neither has he set any restrictions on me in our relationship.

Compromise is another fundamental aspect of any relationship. You have to be able to give and take when the moment calls for it. A relationship is about two people. You cannot expect every little thing to go your absolute way. As our relationship grows, Hafiz and I appreciate the significance of compromising with one another.

Finding the middle ground is imperative. To be able to give in is not a sign of failure. It shows your gallant ability to admit your oversights and acknowledge that you are not always right. To me, to be able to do this alone is an achievement.

There were also times when I felt like strangling Hafiz in rage. It happened to me many times before, especially so when I was going on and on in anger and Hafiz simply kept quiet. My God, trust me that act of keeping quiet because he thinks it’s better to irritated me to the very maximum. I felt like kicking randomly at the air. And there were definitely moments where Hafiz wished I would just shut up. I knew it. Right, Hafiz? Haha.

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I’ve learned that talking about things really help. By sharing your inner thoughts with your partner, it effectively halts the start of any insignificant arguments.

If you feel that it is important to speak your mind, you must also listen. Listening to your partner is crucial! No matter how much you think his conversation doesn’t makes sense, KEEP CALM AND JUST LISTEN TO THE END.

Trust me, I know this is tough because being the Communication student that I truly am, I find it unbearable to keep quiet! I end up interrupting Hafiz like a spitfire when we squabble on a point. I have been trying to change this and have been making good progress! I notice how much simpler it is to listen before making a point. Really, it saves you a lot of energy. And breathe.

Of course, once the listening is done, the actual debate may begin. By debate, I mean a healthy contest of individual points. How well the debate will end up crucially depends on the nature of your relationship. Hafiz knows me well enough to distinguish that when I dispute his point; I do it in good manner and I know my limits. He knows that I have a lot to say on every other day and mostly, his remarkable patience got him through it like any effortless feat. Really, I fire off like a train when arguing a point. I am amazed at how Hafiz tolerated that. Heh heh.

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Also, always think before you say anything, even when your intent is to joke. Once you let it out, you can’t take any back!

Try not to assume anything before you hear the whole story! I admit I assumed a few times before, got into frenzy and then to know that I got it all wrong after all that verve…. quite embarrassing!

In 2004, I crossed paths with a very shy teenager and 96 months later, we are still going strong. Hafiz has carved a spot for himself in my life. He completes me.

I guess at the end of the day, it is really how you look at your partner and your relationship. Have an optimistic outlook and take things easy. Try not to blow diminutive issues out of proportion. The effort put into that can be put to use meaningfully elsewhere. Don’t be too uptight. Laughter is a good tool. Remember to enjoy the relationship!

Well, best to say, keep calm and LIVE LAUGH LOVE.

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2 thoughts on “Keep Calm & Live, Laugh, Love

  1. I think I never got to know your story. Now I do! And it just proves my point: You two really belong together. Like two halves of the same soul, completing each other. Some day I hope I’ll have a relationship like yours ❤

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